Saturday, July 25, 2009

Things that are left unsaid.

Ever regretted not telling some one that you like about your feelings and end up the one u love becomes someone else's partner?

Ever keep things to yourself and tell some one a white lie to make them happy?

Ever suffer all alone in a corner trying to hide all the pain in front of others?

Well.. i bet most of you definitely have things that you keep to yourself and can't find a chance to tell some pple that you should. Right?

There are a lot of times.. i have to put up a very strong front to face my mum and my kids.. then stayed up all night just to hide one quiet corner to cry alone so that they will not get worried about me.

There are also times, i spent all my money to pay for bills and on pple that i dote on.. then end up not left with a single cent and have to starve myself at work to wait until my pay comes in..

I feel that this way, i can make them happy, and less worried about me. :)

Now i'm having a big headache.

If you read my previous entry, there is one that i mentioned that i need to hand up a proposal to my company and even got a chance to get promoted to a Assistant Manager? Right now, i need to come out with another one.. it's like Exam Paper 1 and Paper 2.
Now i'm really taking Paper 2. *frowns*

Submission date will be this coming wednesday. I wonder if i will be able to come out with anything good.

I don't noe why.. but i really don't feel confident.. at all..

After I broke the news to my mother and turkey bacon, they have been very supportive. Even though i told my mum this, she didn't reflect a super happy face in front of me. But behind my back, she had been telling and boasting to her friends and neighbours how capable her daughter is. :)

Yeap, i really didn't noe my mother will go around telling other about it. But i'm really glad that she's proud of me.

As for turkey bacon, he did a lot of things for me. Every small little thing does count. He will always be cheering for me. He will always do small little sweet nuttings to make me happy. But I bet he didn't noe that i will also boast around to pple about what he do for me just like how my mum did..

Take for example..
He went all over high and low to search for the purple macdonald glass cos he knows i like the color. But just nice that color is out of stock in every macdonalds island wide. He then went all the way to the west to trade it with his fren just to give it to me.
I said this to a lot of people about this. I want them to noe that even though I come from a broken family, even though i have a bad past and broken marriage, I still have someone who loves me and dotes on me so much now.

I'm really happy.

Every small little thing he did for me, i might not show it on my face in front of him, but i will make sure everyone around me knows that i am happy.

Just now, we had a small misunderstanding... just becos i didn't tell him how happy i am when he did something for me.

And now, he felt that .. no matter wat he do.. his efforts will go fruitless.

I hope he will understand one day.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

what's on my mind?

a day to remember..
a day that made me teared..

a day i felt drifted away..
from someone i love.

so many things in my mind..
i can't tink of words to describe..
the pain, the anger, the disappointment, the sadness

alot of bad memories of the past come flashing back to me!


sometimes i feel that i don't noe him enough..

sometimes i feel i've changed a lot..

sometimes i feel so left out..

sometimes i feel the bond is not strong enough..

sometimes i feel i've given all that i have..
but did i get back what i should have?

sometimes i feel like i'm the happiest girl in the world..
but why in just split seconds i can be the most pathetic soul thrown away and unwanted?


maybe i should learn how to love myself a little bit more..

maybe i should try to give him some more time..

maybe i should be less demanding..

maybe i should learn how to forgive pple more easily..

maybe i should smile more..

maybe i should not put high hopes on alot of things..

maybe i should not expect too much..

maybe.. maybe.. maybe..


so many questions in my mind..

did i get married too young?

will i regret in future?

am i really too much?

am i not good enough?

do i really have that much flaws?

am i really the one u should place in your heart?


jocelyn is definitely not in a happy mood today.

-tears rolls down again-