Monday, January 31, 2011

The annoyed Jocelyn.

I'm not in a very good mood.
Maybe it is also due to the time of the month?
*shrugs*

Money has always been a sensitive issue..
whether it is between friends.. family members.. or even ur another half.

I am a very soft hearted person.
I've got a lot of people around me.. telling me to pamper myself more..
WHY?
because i've always been spending my money on people that i love more than i spend money on myself.

Even if i do not have the money,
I will skip my meals very frequently..
to save up that few dollars slowly..
and buy things for them.

Some people also asked me.. "why wanna starve urself to get something for them?"
Frankly speaking..
I do not know also..
Maybe that's just.. Me?
I will reply them.. "Because they can't afford it and i love them."
I might even lie to them, afraid that they will scold me for being silly.. So i will say "Because i am not hungry" ..
But actually i am really hungry.

There are also times when they come to me for money..
Even though i've made plans for my salary like how i am going to use them to pay for my bills.. to settle my own stuffs and also to buy the things i need..
i will still be soft hearted.. and try to borrow around from my friends using my name just to help them out..

And at the end of the day.. what do i get?

If i am lucky,
they will return me.
Some return fast, some drag for many weeks, many months.. and some.. YEARS.

and there are definitely people.. who will only take my kindness for granted..
tries to act blur..
and take it that nothing happened and suddenly disappear.
and yeah,
my money will also disappear together with them.

There are many many many times that i am very angry with myself!
why must i be soft hearted to them?

But then..
When i've made up my mind..
to be very calculative towards everything..
It doesn't seem to look good on me.

I really do not know how to put it into words..

I just feel..
horrible inside.

Can someone teach me..
what to do?

3 comments:

Rachel said...

I find myself in this predicament often. You are a sweet girl. Don't starve yourself. I do it too. It's not worth it.

ikan said...

lend only what you can do without with. 'Coz most of the time, it's better to play safe than sorry - 'coz there won't be that many pple who would do the same for you. When you lend out, it's almost like giving that someone that money. So give only what you can coz chances are, if that person truly value you as a friend, he/she would not force you to lend more and would really return you on the promised deadline. If not, I take it as I had paid XXX dollars to see through you and it's as good as me 'buying' a lesson. But hengz, so far the person I had lent to, had always paid me back.

Jocelyn said...

Rachel : thank u for being so sweet :)

ikan : U're lucky. but i guess i am always the unlucky one. cos mine often run away with it or.. drag half of my lifetime to return me those $$$. *sighs*