Goodbye 2008..

today's new year eve and i am rotting at home.. didn't do any count down for christmas nor new year for 2008.. kinda boring.. and there is like no one to accompany me for all these.. perhaps i really neglected all my friends tat i should have during my marriage life and tat is why now none of them will look for me to join them for such occasions. *sighs*





Last nite, i had a good talk with my little girl. Asked her to accompany me to the room and sat down on the bed so that i can have some private conversation with her.. Started off with asking her if she likes me or melvin more.. Well, i do not know if she says tat she loves me more just to please me or is it for real, but whichever is the case, i am still relieved to hear her reply is me. Then i slowly explained to her that due to some reasons, i no longer have feelings for melvin, and tat is why we are not together anymore..

i told her tat melvin's mother doesn't like me and refuse to accept her as grand daughter. And cos of this, we are not able to stay together too. I told her tat i won't stop her from sms-ing melvin or giving him phone calls as her little brother Justin is still with them. I told her that she's a big girl now and i hope she understands me and don't blame me for not able to give her a perfect home. I told her tat once she grows older, she will understand why i will leave melvin now. I also said tat my mother and her are the only people tat i have left with now.. so i hope, she will never leave me.. At tat point of time, i couldn't help it but cry in front of my little angel. She gave me hug and didn't say anything. She then cried too... I feel... so.. useless.

the conversation somehow makes my heart feel so much lighter as now my little girl noe the situation. it also feels like a load off my shoulder.. So tat i noe she will understand why melvin didn't come tat often already.. I really hope.. my little girl won't hate me.. I feel like i've let her down.. *sighs*

about 1hr+ more 2008 will be over and it's time to welcome 2009. in this new year, i hope angel will be happy, i hope she will not blame me, i hope she will be able to grow up healthily, i hope my mum will be able to live her life long enough to see angel get married cos my mum loves her dearly.. i hope i will not let her down again.. i hope i am able to find my own happiness again.