Sunday, December 7, 2008

HEAR ME BITCH!

ok, it has been a really rough time for me for the past few days.. i've had alot of headaches and sleepless nights.. wasn't able to get to sleep last nite so until now it's like about 40hours tat i haven't had a wink? Went to work today with my eyes all puffy and swollen like one goldfish. a few of my colleagues also commented how bad my eye bags were and looking a lil' pale. One of them even said she miss the bubbly me.

in regards to my previous entry, my husband wrote an extremely long comment which even one of my reader got touched by his words. Sadly, i dun really feel it. perhaps the feeling is just different already. i'm like... NUMBED with everything. I've nv felt this way in the past. maybe our relationship is just like a rubber band stretched too long and it just.. snapped.

Recieved a phone call from his dad yesterday to complain about alot of things about melvin.. I got so sick and tired of all the problems bombarding to me all at one shot. What exactly in detail i do not wish to state so clearly but all i can say is.. anything about him and his parents now disgusts me. I dun like to talk to his parents is becos we do not have anything to talk about. And the moment we really do sit down and talk, it will always be money issues. I can't even stand the sight of his parents now.

I'm like so so so stressed up now.. feeling so vexed ... and I've been drinking alot more compared to the past. But i will nv make myself drunk cos i know that will make my mum worry if she sees me like tat. So i will always control.. i always know my limits.

I've got nothing to vent my anger and stress on other thank blogging out my thoughts.

I HATE MY LIFE !! I HATE EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING AROUND ME !! I HATE THE FACT THAT I'M BEING BORN TO THIS WORLD !! I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO BE A GOOD PARENT !! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE ME WHEN THEY DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO SPEND A LITTLE MORE TIME TO KNOW ABOUT ME !! I HATE MELVIN'S PARENTS TO THE EXTEND THAT I CAN'T EVEN FORGIVE WHAT HIS MUM DONE TO ME, LEAVING NOTHING BUT SCARS COVERING ME ALL OVER..!

4 comments:

Teddy Guard said...

wuar...how can you blame your husband's parents?

Jocelyn said...

Teddyguard : All along it has always been the case. they are not as good as wat u can see from the surface as an outsiders' point of view .. :)

shawnn loo said...

I do not qualified to give any comment.
anyway... ^_^ just be happy, wish u alway have a gifted day...
no matter who's fault... just be ur self, and do the thing that u will not regret.

that all... ^_^

Jocelyn said...

Shawn Loo : yea, i'm just being myself now. Don't wish to noe, don't wish to care. Just wanna have a some peace.. thanks :)